What is domestic violence?
In general when people talk about domestic violence, this includes a wide range of behaviors, from verbal abuse to physical violence. Domestic violence is when one person tries to take control over another by using acts of intimidation, threats, sexual assault, stalking, controlling money or bank accounts, and other violent behaviors. It can be dangerous when one person tries to control others this way. This is what we usually mean by domestic violence, and it frequently gets worse without help.
What are the warning signs of domestic violence?
Does your partner:
- Insult you in public and private?
- Check up on where you’ve been and whom you’ve talked to?
- Put down your friends and family?
- Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
- Blame you for the abuse?
- Limit where you go and what you do?
- Try to control your money?
- Destroy your things?
- Threaten to hurt you, your family, or pets?
- Make you have sex in ways or at times that are uncomfortable to you?
- Touch you in ways that hurt or scare you?
- Tell you your fears are not important?
If any of these things happen to you, you might be in danger. Think about getting some help, and talk to someone who will understand and can help you with a safety plan.Types of Abuse
- Beating
- Slapping
- Threats of physical harm
- Choking
- Punching
- Denial of access to money
- Shoving
- Sexual assault
- Verbal put-downs
- Hair pulling
- Threats of suicide
- Possessive jealousy
- Humiliation
- Isolation
- Harassment
- Stalking
- Name calling
What is the legal definition of domestic violence?
Not all behaviors used to gain power and control over you are illegal. For example, calling you names, insulting you, putting down your friends, and signs of jealousy are behaviors that abusers use to keep control but are not against the law.
From a legal point of view, the domestic violence behaviors that are considered in applying for a Protection Order are very specific. According to the laws that govern the Protection Order, domestic violence is defined as:
- Threatening to physically harm you
- Assaulting you
- Stalking you
The Protection Order is a tool that can help keep you safe from these types of acts. To qualify for a Protection Order the courts need to follow the legal definition when making a decision on whether or not to give you a Protection Order.
Why do women stay in abusive relations?
- Lowered self-esteem and lack of confidence in their own perceptions of reality
- Lack of conviction that the relationship is bad enough to leave
- Fear of being along; emotional dependence
- A fear that they will not find a better relationship elsewhere
- Relief that the children need their father in the household
- Fear of loosing their children
- A focus on the good times, rather then the abusive times
- “Love” for the abuser, which is often really love based on dependence, attachment, and gratitude
- A belief that they are to blame, that they need to work harder to make a better marriage or partnership, that deserve no better
- Lack of financial resources to survive on their own or to take care of their children
- Lack of institutional support to leave the relationship
- Lack of support from friends and family to leave an emotionally abusive relationship
In summary, woman stay because of fear, isolation, some form of love, or combination of these
